Where is the hickey?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
