I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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