I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
