Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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