She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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