She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Randomize
