wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
