you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
