HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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