he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize