Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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