it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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