My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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