I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
