I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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