Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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