4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
