my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
