she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize