I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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