Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
