it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've blown a few things in my day
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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