If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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