My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
