super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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