Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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