remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
