my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
