Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
