I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
two words...techno handjob
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
