He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
