; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
