Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
