Whod you bang
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
