I can text with my tongue
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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