I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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