i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
