Your dad touched me again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
