I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
