is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize