so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
