i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
