I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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