guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize