Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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