yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
