i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
