You're completely useless in the revolution.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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