Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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