So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
