The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
