You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
