can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
