My brain says no but my pants say off.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
