It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
