You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
