I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I love you.
Bad choice
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