i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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