Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize