Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
