My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
