the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize