He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
