Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
