Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
