I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
