I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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